Cry Out in Love

The hearts of the people
cry out to the Lord.
O wall of the Daughter of Zion,
let your tears flow like a river
day and night;
give yourself no relief,
your eyes no rest.

Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street.

-Lamentations 2: 18-19

Distraught and emotionally drained from my last post, I am still trying to process it all. My heart is broken and I have been calling out to God for guidance.

If I am to change, what will that changed person look like? Where should I start? The change must come within. It must effect every aspect of my life and it must be done in a way that is not harmful to anyone. There will be no gnashing of teeth or hitting others over the head with my own realizations. This is about me and my change, not a movement or a call for revolution.

Paul and I try to live by one simple rule, search for a loving alternative. In every situation, with every conversation, we try to ask ourselves, what is the loving thing to do? I challenge you to do the same in your own life.

Rechelle, I am sorry.

Touched by a blog post, I have written a response to the author.

Rechelle,

1. As a believing Christian, I am sorry. I am sorry that I haven’t stood my ground on issues. I too have felt it was time for Christians to renounce hate and embrace love, love for all people. Jesus died for all, not exclusively for the ones who dress up and attend church every Sunday so they can feel elite and chosen. His unbelievable sacrifice was an act of love. To rebuke people is not my place and I am sorry if I have every taken place in such condemnation. I am sorry that I have been afraid to stop the madness that surrounds me. I am sorry that I have been fearful to speak up against such hurtful acts. I now see that my silence was in fact a passive participation, which renders me as guilt as those who stand on the street corners yelling defiling messages of hate.

2. I am sorry if I have ever thought someone is going to hell. I am sorry I have not taken the chance to learn about world religions and other point of views. I am sorry for every Christian that continues to refuse to engage the world around them. I am sorry that my brethren deem it necessary to fight against culture rather than focusing on their own sin. I am sorry that I (we) try to remove the speck from your eye rather than taking care of the 2x4 crammed in our own.

3. I am sorry that we ever mixed politics and religion. I am sorry that we try to use power to force feed our beliefs on others. I am sorry that I ignore Christian who continue to do this. I am sorry that I have not yelled this message out. I am sorry for the crusades, slavery, and any other intolerance justified in the name of Christ. There is no justification for hatred; there is no validation for loathing; there is no rationalization for prejudice!

4. I apologize for allowing money to be spent on fancy projectors, gold plated communion dishes, and other lavish accessories while the poor and needy roam the streets. I am sorry for demanding heat in a huge building so I will be comfortable while people struggle to buy food for their children. I am sorry that I am a member at a church that maintains a building that remains locked and unused most of the time.

5. I am sorry for placing people on pedestals. Mankind is flawed. Humans sin. I am sorry to belong to a group that does not practice what they preach. I am sorry that we do not allow people to fall. I am sorry that there is no forgiveness. There is no excuse to not allow people to overcome their own misgivings. I am sorry that we tear people down like savage wolves rather than lifting them up.

6. I too am sorry for becoming insensitive to the world. I am sorry I look the other way when I see a homeless man. I am sorry that I ignore the hurting of my fellow mankind. I am sorry that I assumed God would right “injustice, or crime, or pain, or hunger, or illness, or ignorance, or war, or greed, or tyranny, or slavery or abuse, or addiction, or pollution, or natural disasters” through my tax deductible contribution. I should have considered that He would use me as his instrument instead. I am sorry that have built walls and fences fortified by alarm systems around my life. I am sorry that I have allowed the devil to trick me into thinking that Christianity was safe. It isn’t safe. It never was meant to be safe.

7. Most of all, I apologize to you, Rechelle. I apologize for not standing by your side earlier. I am sorry that I refused to start a revolution, but waited for someone like you to say the first word. I am sorry that you are no longer a Christian because you can’t see religion ever lining up with your beliefs. I am sorry that the word Christian has become synonymous with hate. I am sorry that we have lost our way. We are called to be compassionate, loving people and somehow, somewhere we lost that mission. That breaks my heart and for that I am truly sorry.

I don’t know what to do to make it right again. And I am sure that I will now find my way in the center of Christian hatred. There will be those who call me names and debate my holiness. But, like Martin Luther so long ago, God has been pulling on my heart for a while now and it is time for me to stand up. So as my heart races and I fear what the fall out will be, the only thing I can say is “Here I stand; I can do no other. God help me. Amen!”

Organization

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
- Immanuel Kant, German Philosopher

I admire organized people.

As a child, my room was a disorganized mess (a Barbie here, yesterday’s outfit over there). I remember being in awe of my friends seemed to naturally categorized things in their sleep. Their rooms were spotless, every toy had a place, and (most importantly) they had a floor. My childhood bedroom was a floor-less black hole.

In the past few years, I have really come to understand the importance of organization. I seem to have more time, be in a better mood, and gain energy from my new environment. Yesterday, I went to Office Depot to buy some supplies. I am creating teaching notebooks for every class I teach. I can already tell a difference in the classroom. If, in the end, it only makes me feel more prepared, I consider it as a win.

Conan O'Brien

Please do not be cynical ... I hate cynicism. For the record it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you – amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, it's just true. -Conan O'Brien, The Tonight Show

After a seven month run, Conan O'Brien and NBC have split ways. The split created a media circus full of wild rumors. In what must be a tough situation, Conan managed to close the show with his head held high. I am so glad he urged people to see the positive and continue to work toward their dreams. I couldn't agree with him more. Cynicism is a quality that only hinders you. Thank you, Conan for your words of wisdom.

Audience of One

Ten years ago, I was praying on a mountaintop. The Lord spoke to me like out of the blue. You will start a film company. I want you to be the Rolls-Royce of filmmaking. Better than anyone in the world. -Richard Gazowsky, Audience of One

My name is Sarah and I am a documentary filmmaker, excuse me, I am a Christian documentary filmmaker.

I still remember very distinctly my first year of graduate school. Somewhere in the first week a professor challenged us to begin to call ourselves documentary filmmakers. I had produced several documentaries prior to my arrival, but had never considered myself a filmmaker. It took me weeks to finally begin and see myself in this new light and years to really own the title. I like the saying "your not a filmmaker until someone tells you your a filmmaker." There are too many people running around and calling themselves filmmakers. Everyone with access to a camcorder is not a filmmaker. It is a craft to be honed and requires community acceptance though the validation of your work. I don't run around calling myself a plumber because I know what a pipe looks like.

In the same manner, there are too many people who consider themselves Christian filmmakers. I never wanted to be a "Christian" filmmaker. I simply wanted to be a Christian who made films. I actually remember praying to God saying please don't make me be the girl who makes Christian films. It is with a lot of resistance that I have arrived here. Frankly, I am afraid of the title, afraid that it will box me in. Christians will judge me on the holiness of my film and non-Christians will never take my work seriously. There is no doubt that my film are Christian. They revolve around Christian topics and themes, but I never set out to do that. God led me there.

All of this leads me to the film I watched today, a documentary by Mike Jacobs entitled Audience of One. The film focuses on the Voice of Pentecost Church in San Fransisco lead by Pastor Richard Gazowsky. Gazowsky saw his first film at the age of 40. Shortly there after, he claims to have recieved a vision from God that convinced him to start a film production company. WYSIWYG Imageworks is the manifestation of that vision. The film chronicles their journey to create a high quality film. Faced with the pitfalls of production, their budget grows from $100,000 to $50 million to $100 million to currently $200 million.

It is people like Richard Gazowsky that make life harder. I feel like I have to apologize for their actions. I find myself having to explaining, "yes, I am a Christian, but I do not condone that action." I already have a strike against me.

I truly believe people can be compelled by God. But there is a line. When asked if Christians should pay their taxes, Jesus said, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s." (Mark 12:17) Not paying rent on a building for months, but purchasing high end production equipment is not a Christian thing to do. Draining your churches resources and promising future investors that never show is fraud. There is no way around that.

If I had half the money and equipment they have invested, I would be turning out films left and right. Currently, I average a film a year on a meager budget. My films aren't the next Avatar, but they are award winning stories. The only completed film (I am aware of) Mr. Gazowsky has been a part of is the documentary (which he merely starred in). (On a side note: I would be glad to watch any films he has completed. I tried to find a DVD to purchase and was unsuccessful.) So, thank you for giving Christian filmmakers one more mountain to climb and one more battle to fight. This is why the truly dedicated among us gets so easily discouraged. Please stop trying to do things yourself and dedicated your resources to someone who knows what they are doing.

Overall, the documentary is well produced. There was a little blurb about how the church is perceived by the community, but I personally wanted to hear more of the story from a point of view outside of the church members. It was obvious to me about half way through the film that the churches plans were too grand and I wanted to know what members of the community thought about the situation. I also wanted to see the two scenes from his movie that were shot and know more about what happened after the Italy shoot. On a scale from one to five, I give the film a three. The cinematography was not spectacular and I found the storyline lacking diversity. Plus, the whole subject unnerved me, thus the long soap box blog.

Rating: Not Rated

Stars: 3/5

Language: None

Inspiration

As a continuing discussion of Producing Films with Passion by Dorothy Fadiman and Tony Levelle, I pose the following question: Where do you find inspiration? This could be inspiration to merely wake up in the morning, produce films, or even take your next breath. What compels you to keep living and where do you find these things?

The source of my found inspiration changes. It seems to ebb and flow with time. Sometimes I find myself enthused for weeks by the simple beauty of the world around me. The trees, flowers, and even the rain appear in a unique light during this time. Other times, I am encouraged by the words of others. They seem to unknowingly say the thing I need to hear. Still there are times where I find the motivation lies within me. The last is a source of inspiration that I am consciously focusing on cultivating. I am learning that the motivation I can stir internally last longer than other sources. I have found meditation to be a great resource. It allows me to take the time to listen to myself, focus on my desires, and ultimately restore my inner confidence. Working in media is a tough life. I encourage you to find your own sources of inspiration. Try something new and be open to the possibilities around you.

Producing with Passion: Making Films That Change the World

A film that reflects your true passion will carry with it a special energy, a vital sense of purpose that can have an impact for generations.

I continuously find myself using the term passion in my classes. You must have passion for what you do. A story without passion lacks life. Passion is what will carry you through the trenches of production. My students probably get tired of my copious use of the term. But, there is no other expression that so nicely describes the combination of zeal, enthusiasm, dedication, excitement, and borderline obsession it takes to be successful in this business. Late at night when funding is exhausted and the crew has left for a paying job, it is that passion you have for this medium, for your subject, that will continue to offer life support to your film.

When I came across Dorothy Fadiman and Tony Levelle's book Producing with Passion the title alone caught my eye. Written by an Emmy award winning and an Oscar nominated documentary filmmaker, this book definitely made my Christmas list. Now that the holidays have worn off and school is back in session, I am finally finding the time to read it. I've only read the introduction, but it has definitely left me wishing I had more time right now to finish it. I guess I will have to find time to slip away to a quiet coffee house and learn more about "creat{ing} media miracles."

Awakenings

What we do know is that, as the chemical window closed, another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug - and that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. these are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten - the simplest things. -Dr. Sayer, Awakenings

I believe that film is a medium with the potential to portray the humanity deep within. Awakenings, directed by Penny Marshall, does just that. Staring Robin Williams, Robert De Niro, and Julie Kavner, Awakenings is a heart warming film based closely on the work of Dr. Oliver Sacks.

Dr. Malcolm Sayer (Williams) sets out to wake a group of comatose patients frozen in time. He succeeds in treating Leonard Lowe (De Niro) who has been asleep for most of his life. Lowe's love for life forces Sayer to awaken his own spirit.

The film was nominated for best picture by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in 1991 along with the nomination of Robert De Niro for best actor in a lead roll and best adapted screenplay.

Woven together with drama and poignant moments, this story has quickly found a place among my favorite films. Leonard is a charming character who works well opposite the scientific and enthusiastic young Dr. Sayer. De Niro masterfully portrays the role leaving the audience profoundly touched by his words of wisdom. All in all, I give this film an enthusiastic 5 stars. It is a must see and is sure to strike up a thoughtful discussion after. While thematic elements may not be suitable for all ages, this is definitely a film to enjoy with older children and a great way to initiate a conversation about of life's value.

Rating: PG-13

Stars: 5/5

Language: This film does contain one fleeting f-word.

Trivia: If you look closely, you will recognize Vin Diesel make his film debut as a hospital orderly.